Spiraling out of control

So the other day my boyfriend tells me that he's life if spiraling out of control and that they will go see their parents for the weekend just to get away! I think this is crap! I really think it's just an excuse or a way to make a reference, so in the future when they brake up with me they can actually use that stupid line, " Oh, it's me, not you!" Bull shit it is. I know. I can't believe that we are here, because i don't really know how it got there. I understand that gay men just don't really care about being in relationships unless they are open and they just have no responsibility! Sometime i think that i chose the wrong life. The wrong way to live. Instead of being gay i should have fought myself and became, "Straight!" I hate being in a relationship and it being over before i can blink. Saying you love someone is suppose to really mean something. When i say it i try to really mean it. Maybe it was just too early and their isn't any love there and i tried to force it! I think i just gave all of myself just way to quickly! That's what i did wrong. So i am here house sitting in this house that is like 20miles away from the place I am paying to stay in and i don't want to house sit anymore, for one thing i don't know how but I left my shoes at the other house and i have to sing tomorrow at church, i don't have my shoes, so tomorrow i plan on driving to Wal-Mart and purchasing another pair of shoes. Wasting like $30 dollars so i look good. I want to just get up on stage with tennis shoes and be like, "forget yall, i don't care what i look like! LOL. So today i feel so overwhelming ordinary! I have so much to be thankful for and i just can't get myself to just snap the fuck out of it! There must be something better out there for me. The only thing is that it will not just pop up out of no where. I know that there is so much i have to do to get it! I just don't feel like i have any energy left. I really feel like an old person. I don't think that's good if I really want to live to be 100. Right? I really need to eat better and workout like 4 days a week. When i start College at UCF this Aug 23rd. I told myself i will utilize the free gym. It has been so long since i worked out, i don't even know where to start. I need to work with a personal trainer again, just for a few weeks. It should get me back in the swing of things. Okay i need to sleep! PEACE